Sunday, January 23, 2011

Thanks for Your Emails.

My dad forwarded this email to me.  Thought I would share.  A germ-a-phobe, slighlty OCD person like myself can relate OH SO WELL to this :)

Thanks for your e-mails

As we approach the end of another year, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a bathroom door
 without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room
 because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread
 because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..hmmmm

I have trouble shaking hands
 with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose. 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip
 because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse
 for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings
 because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money,
but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul
because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. 

I can't eat at KFC
 because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. 

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
 even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

 I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
gas without taking somone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta
since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap
 in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down 

I no longer go to shopping malls
because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex
 since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my ass.

I can't ever pick up a Quarter dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car
 because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. 

I can't do any gardening
 because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . . ..

Oh, by the way..... 

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Friday, January 21, 2011


I really should be given "The Worlds Worst Blogger" award.  I have been so bad at updating.  I think that there have been so many things going on in my life that I have just felt overwhelmed. 

In November, I went into the doctor for my annual exam.  During the exam he told me that I had, "some lumps growing in my uterus".  I was promptly sent to a lab to have an ultrasound done.  After the ultrasound, my doctor told me that I had one large growth and several small growths in my uterus.  I was then referred to another doctor.

After meeting with the other doctor, he told me that I had one growth that was the size of my uterus, and then others that quarter sized and pea sized.  Seriously not words that anyone likes to hear.  The "what if's" can drive you crazy. 

They determined that I would need to have surgery to have my uterus removed, and that they would need to biopsy the results.  Tumors, biopsies.  Again, not words that I ever wanted to have to describe anything going on in my body.

During all of these doctors appointments, blood work ups, exams, ultrasounds, etc.  I was in school.  Six classes, 18 credits, plus practicum.  We were at the end of the semester.  Case studies, observations, research papers, lesson plans, and reading assignments were filling my time, not to mention the fact that finals were just around the corner.

With the craziness of school, it gave me something other than the tumors to focus on.  However, there were time late at night, or when I would first wake up in the morning, the "what if's" would creep in.  Some days they would leave as quickly as they came in.  Other days the "what if's" would linger just a little bit longer. 

Every now and then I would wonder what I would do if I actually heard the "C" word mentioned after the biopsy.  Would I break down?  Would I be strong?  Would I be able to handle cancer like so many others who I know and love who have had to deal with it?  How would it change my life?  Would I be here to see my kids graduate from high school?  Would I get to see them get married?  Would I this?  Would I that?  Sometimes not knowing was worse than actually knowing.

My surgery was scheduled for 4 days after I finished finals week and two days before Christmas.  Not the best timing, but after 2 months of doctors and tests, I was ready for some answers. 

The day of my surgery came and I was ready to get it behind me.  I am not going to lie, I was nervous, but I wanted answers.  I needed to know what the next step was.

The surgery went well.  I lost a little bit more blood than they would have liked, which meant I couldn't get out of bed as soon as most people could after surgery.  The doctor informed me that I would be a little more tired than normal as my body worked to replenish the excess blood loss. 

I was sent home the night before Christmas Eve.  I spent the holidays recovering from surgery, yet still waiting for biopsy results.  Two weeks went by and I finally got my results.  I did not have cancer.  I was relieved.  It was really like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I could breath easily again. . .then I thought about other people who don't get the same results as I did.  Others who had to deal with hearing they do have cancer.  Others who have their entire lives changed upon hearing the "C" word.

This whole process taught me to laugh a little bit more, focus on the positive, be thankful for what you have, and just enjoy life to the fullest.  You just NEVER know what life will throw at you: good, bad, and ugly.  If you don't enjoy the process of it all, you will never have to opportunity to live life to its fullest.  Life is a special gift.  Live it well.


LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

What though Death at times steps in
And calls our Best away ?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?
Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

-Charlotte Bronte

Sunday, January 2, 2011


I don't normally promote stuff from my Paisley Passions blog here on my personal blog. . .but, I just wanted to spread the word about a giveaway I am hosting over there.

It is for a FREE 3 month subscription to  I have used E-Mealz the past month and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!  It will save you time and money!  Who doesn't like to save both of those???  You have nothing to lose, so go on over and enter!!!

You'll be glad you did!  :)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Not Gonna Lie.

I am not going to lie, 2010 was not the greatest.  It was a year of hospitals, surgeries, traumatic brain injury, biopsies, financial hardships, hospital bills and more hospital bills, stress, highs and lows, ups and downs. 

When we survived the trials of 2009, I thought for sure that 2010 just had to be better. . .it really wasn't.  However, that being said, it was the year that we were able to build our "forever" home, and for that I will be forever grateful.

"Forever" Home
Why do we call it our "Forever" Home?  Well, because this is it.  We are done feeling transient. We have moved more than anyone should ever have to move in a lifetime.  This home will be our home base from now until we are no longer alive.  The sacrifices we made to get this home and the humbling circumstances that occurred in order to build it, have helped us realize that no matter what life throws at us, this will always be home.

My kids will finish growing up with this as their home.  My grandkids will visit me here.  Memories will be made here, and soon the trials and tribulations of 2009-2010 will all be a distant memory.  In hindsight, perhaps we will be able to see how 2009-2010 helped us to become better, stronger, more humble people.  Maybe, just maybe, at some point we will even be grateful for the things we have endured.  Trials help to soften us, make our edges smooth, and help us realize what is truly important.

Here is looking forward to a great 2011.  Full of humility, thankfulness, love, and happiness!