Life.

I really should be given "The Worlds Worst Blogger" award.  I have been so bad at updating.  I think that there have been so many things going on in my life that I have just felt overwhelmed. 

In November, I went into the doctor for my annual exam.  During the exam he told me that I had, "some lumps growing in my uterus".  I was promptly sent to a lab to have an ultrasound done.  After the ultrasound, my doctor told me that I had one large growth and several small growths in my uterus.  I was then referred to another doctor.

After meeting with the other doctor, he told me that I had one growth that was the size of my uterus, and then others that quarter sized and pea sized.  Seriously not words that anyone likes to hear.  The "what if's" can drive you crazy. 

They determined that I would need to have surgery to have my uterus removed, and that they would need to biopsy the results.  Tumors, biopsies.  Again, not words that I ever wanted to have to describe anything going on in my body.

During all of these doctors appointments, blood work ups, exams, ultrasounds, etc.  I was in school.  Six classes, 18 credits, plus practicum.  We were at the end of the semester.  Case studies, observations, research papers, lesson plans, and reading assignments were filling my time, not to mention the fact that finals were just around the corner.

With the craziness of school, it gave me something other than the tumors to focus on.  However, there were time late at night, or when I would first wake up in the morning, the "what if's" would creep in.  Some days they would leave as quickly as they came in.  Other days the "what if's" would linger just a little bit longer. 

Every now and then I would wonder what I would do if I actually heard the "C" word mentioned after the biopsy.  Would I break down?  Would I be strong?  Would I be able to handle cancer like so many others who I know and love who have had to deal with it?  How would it change my life?  Would I be here to see my kids graduate from high school?  Would I get to see them get married?  Would I this?  Would I that?  Sometimes not knowing was worse than actually knowing.

My surgery was scheduled for 4 days after I finished finals week and two days before Christmas.  Not the best timing, but after 2 months of doctors and tests, I was ready for some answers. 

The day of my surgery came and I was ready to get it behind me.  I am not going to lie, I was nervous, but I wanted answers.  I needed to know what the next step was.

The surgery went well.  I lost a little bit more blood than they would have liked, which meant I couldn't get out of bed as soon as most people could after surgery.  The doctor informed me that I would be a little more tired than normal as my body worked to replenish the excess blood loss. 

I was sent home the night before Christmas Eve.  I spent the holidays recovering from surgery, yet still waiting for biopsy results.  Two weeks went by and I finally got my results.  I did not have cancer.  I was relieved.  It was really like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I could breath easily again. . .then I thought about other people who don't get the same results as I did.  Others who had to deal with hearing they do have cancer.  Others who have their entire lives changed upon hearing the "C" word.

This whole process taught me to laugh a little bit more, focus on the positive, be thankful for what you have, and just enjoy life to the fullest.  You just NEVER know what life will throw at you: good, bad, and ugly.  If you don't enjoy the process of it all, you will never have to opportunity to live life to its fullest.  Life is a special gift.  Live it well.

Life

LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

What though Death at times steps in
And calls our Best away ?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?
Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

-Charlotte Bronte