Tuesday, April 13, 2010
On Sunday we celebrated my oldest son's 19th birthday. I am not sure how it is that I have a 19 year old son when I am only 29, but hey, I guess I do! ;)
Seriously though, I am not sure where the last 19 years have gone. It is a little bit scary when I think about how quickly they have flown by.
I often think about the years of raising Kam and now that he is living on his own I question myself all the time wondering if I have taught him everything a parent needs to in order to succeed in the world. It is a little bit overwhelming to think about!
I will never forget the first time I was actually able to hold him in my arms. When he was born, he had some complications and spent about a week in the neonatal ICU. It was scary being so young myself at the time and having my baby whisk out of the room after he was born for testing. The first time I got to touch him, he was hooked up to so many cords and machines that all I could do was stare at them and wonder if he was going to be okay. I was able to reach my hands in the bed and touch him, but I wasn't able to actually hold him. I remember crying myself to sleep because I was so scared and felt so helpless. All I wanted to do was to protect the small infant that laid in that bed in a way that I had never felt before in my life.
Fortunately, a week later he was unhooked from the machines and able to come home. It was an amazing and scary thing to be a mom the first time. The dynamic of our family completely changed. It went from just my husband and I to a family of three. For the first time I knew what unconditional love was really all about. I felt so protective of my child and I knew that there was nothing that I wouldn't do for him.
Life flew by and here he is at age 19. I am sure that he thinks he no longer needs his parents. I am sure that I am uncool and really more of a pest than anything else. I am sure he thinks that I don't understand what it is like to be 19. That being said, the feelings that I felt for him 19 years ago when he was born are still the same. There is nothing that I wouldn't do to protect him and there is nothing he can do to ever make me stop loving him. The unconditional love of being a parent is something you can't even comprehend until you actually experience it for yourself.
Happy Birthday Kameron!!! Thanks for giving my first taste of what motherhood is really all about.