Service.

Wow!  It has been a while since I have updated.  It isn't because I don't want to, or because I don't have anything to say.  Believe me, I always have something to say.  I have just been so busy with school and with getting ready for the school year to start, that I haven't actually taken the time to sit down and write.

Today in my Sunday School class, the lesson was on Service.  The feeling you get from helping someone else with no expectations in return is pretty great.  As I pondered the lesson, I thought of a feeling that is even greater than serving others.  What is it?  Well, I think the most satisfaction I have ever had from the gift of service is when I witness my own children doing it.  Watching them give freely of their time and helping others is a feeling like no other.

A couple of weeks ago my son was driving by a girl who was stranded on the side of the road.  She had her hood up and was standing there looking lost.  He stopped and asked her if she needed help.  At first she said she didn't.  He asked her if she was sure that she didn't need help.  Well, come to find out this girl had just moved here from out of state.  She is getting ready to start college and doesn't know anyone in town.  She had run out of gas and did not have anyone she could call for help.  She also did not have any money to put gas in her tank.  My son took her and used his own money to fill her tank.  As they were standing there filling the tank, the girl started to cry.  She said that the following day was her birthday and that this was the best birthday gift that she could ever hope for.  She was touched by my son's generosity and by the fact that he was willing to help a stranger.

My son has no expectations for repayment of the gas.  He just sincerely wanted to help someone who was in a bind and needed help.  This isn't the first time he has done something like this.  As a mom, when you see your children do unselfish things and give the gift of service whether it be to someone they know and love, or to a complete stranger, it makes you stop and think that maybe, just maybe somewhere along the way you have done something right as their mother.

Will You???

Why does a body like that have to be SO hard to have after the age of 40?  *SIGH*

Okay, so I may never look like that, but at least I can get my body into shape, right?  Diet, exercise, and discipline. 

All I want is to feel good and to be able to run again!  I have been dealing with plantar fasciitis for a while now and so there has been NO running for me :(  I think I am FINALLY ready to start up again though.  As long as I take it slow and don't over train, hopefully I will be able to run my favorite 10K race again this Fall!!!  That is the plan :)  :)  :)

Childhood Memories of 1400 N.

At first I thought I was going to write a poem.  Then I decided that I would just write all the memories I could think of that were tied to this childhood home.  Maybe someday I will take the list and make a poem, or write a story.  For now the random list will do.  They are in no particular order.  I just wrote down what came to mind as it came to mind.

901 W 1400 N

Light Blue Ford

Gold Mustang

The Ericksen's

Jay

Bell

Jennie

Matt

Baby Bryan

Barefeet

The Hones

Picking dandelions

Finding ladybugs by the stream

Searching for four leaf clovers

Sledding down derby hill

Biking down derby hill

Gene Elliot Dance Studio

Lions Park

Miniature Golf Course

Candy from the Golf Shack

Nortons

Hawkins

Grandview Hill

Grandview Elementary

Week Day Primary

Getting my first bike

Learning to ride a bike without training wheels

Riding Bikes

Getting stitches

Bandit

Scruffy

Tiger

Big Blue Station Wagon

Blue Toyota Corolla Wagon

Orange Truck

Running through the sprinklers

Calling on the phone to find out the outside temperature

Playing dress up

The red lace dress

The light blue lace dress

Playhouse

Birthday parties

Clothes hanging on the line to dry

Camping at Deer Creek

Fishing

Heber Creeper

Sandbox

Geneva Park

Geneva Steel

Starting Kindergarten

Mrs. Hawkins

Starting 1st Grade

Miss Webb

Starting 2nd Grade

Shag carpet

Deer Jerky

Big Wheels

Riding inchworm

Hippity Hops

Homemade wood stilts

Dr. Nance

Dr. John

The Christmas House

Nanette’s Beetle

Donny Osmond

Purple socks

GI Joe

Lone Ranger

Tonto

Sunshine Family

Climbing the lattice arch on the patio

The Dunns

The Olsens

The Clarks

Hotel Balderdash

Santa Clause delivering gifts

Perfection

Superfection

White fireplace

Crystal Swag Lamps

Rubber Boots

Polaroids

Turquoise Jumpsuit with Red Zipper

Baby Sister

Dad's Guitar

Pleather Furniture

July 4th Parade at BIC Building

The "Limp"

Grandma moving from Colorado

Downtown JC Penney

New Kitchen Window

Losing my best friend to Orem

New neighbors

St. Bernards

I realize this list means nothing to anyone else but me.  It was pretty fun to see how many things I could think of from SO LONG ago :)  

Summer?

Is it Summer?  Really?  I think I have forgotten what the FUN days of Summer are supposed to be!  Last Summer was spent dealing with Jake's head injury.  Time in Primary Children's.  Back and forth for check ups after he was released from the hospital, and trying to get settled in our new home.  There was no vacation.  No down time.  No fun.

This Summer isn't much different.  I have been so busy getting ready to teach 5th grade next year that I haven't had time to do anything fun.  Nada.  Nothing.  Zero.  Zilch.

To top it off, I only have 12 short days of freedom left before I am back attending another class at the college.  Then I will be trying to get ready for next school year while doing homework and attending class.  What kind of a Summer is that?  Not much of one!

I find life a bit funny right now.  You see, my FAVORITE thing to do is travel.  I love leaving town and exploring other places. . .wanna know something sad?  I haven't been on any kind of vacation (short or otherwise) since January 2009.  What is up with that?  HECK, I haven't even left the city I live in for an overnight trip of any kind since I went to the scrapbook expo in March!  What the?  Man, my life is BORING!

I think I am feeling a bit antsy.  I wish I had the time and the resources to take off and do something fun. We used to try and take a family vacation of some sort every year.  We haven't done that in so long that I think my kids have forgotten what a family vacation is!!!

Oh well, enough of the pity party.  I must remember to be thankful for what I have and not worry about what I don't have.  Right?  Right!

I think I must be getting a little stir crazy.  Too much time working and not enough time playing.  It will all be worth it after I graduate in December.  Right???

One Step Closer. . .

One step closer to being done with my journey to my bachelors degree.  It is exciting and strange all at the same time.  It has been a long process with a lot of starts and stops along the way.  At times I wondered if I would ever be done, now there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.

I officially have 2 classes and student teaching until I am finished with my degree.  My degree will be a Bachelors in K-6 Elementary Education with an ESL (English as a Second Language) Endorsement.  It almost doesn't seem real that I am so close to being done.

The crazy part about all of this?  Well, I won't ever student teach.  How?  The school district had 3 internship positions open up for next school year.  I decided to go ahead and apply (even though I felt the odds were against me getting a position).  I applied, and I was awarded one of the 3 positions.  I will officially be teaching a 5th grade class next school year.  I was in shock for about a week.  Even though I am extremely nervous, I think it will be a great opportunity to learn and grow in the teaching profession.

Because of my internship, I have to take one of my two remaining classes this summer.  Between that and getting ready for next school year, I won't have much of a summer break, but it should all be worth it in the end.

It is hard to believe that I am so close to actually having a real diploma in my hands. . .

YES, Indeed!

Sometimes I just see a quote or something that catches my eye and have an "Ahhh, ha, moment".  They just seem to fit so well for that time in my life.  When they do, I just have to share them :)

Sometimes something as simple as this is easier said than done! It is so easy to get caught up in all the "wants" in life.  Taking a step back sometimes helps put things back into perspective.

So, I was going through my blog, and I realized that I haven't even blogged about all the changes going on for me this Fall!  What?  Well, watch for a post about my exciting news coming up soon :)

This Girl. Take Two.

Quite some time ago I did a post called, "This Girl" that was inspired by another post I had read on another blog.  For my LA class, we had to write a personal narrative, my mind immediately thought of that blog post.  I decided to give the original post an overhaul and turn it in for my assignment.  Here is what I came up with. . .

This girl.

She is as complicated as an algebraic equation, as faceted as a diamond, and as colorful as a rainbow peeking through the clouds after a summer rainstorm.

A Wonderer.  A Silent Musician. A Creator of what she considers art. Her eyes see things others do not. Books fuel her.  Her husband and children complete her. She is who she is without apologies.

She has hopes, dreams, and ambitions. . .never told to others, because of the fear that if they are spoken, they may never come true.

She learns. She grows.  She makes mistakes, and then she tries again.  But, oh how she hates making mistakes! Perfection is unattainable; yet, still something she strives for. Perfection frustrates her, complicates her life, and makes her wish that sometimes she could just be free from its bonds. She knows that no one is perfect and is harder on herself than anyone else would ever be. Perfection is her greatest fault, yet one of her driving forces, and one of her greatest assets. Perfection is her double-edged sword.

She is a friend. A confidant. A great listener. People come to her with problems, and she sincerely cares and wants to help. A loyal friend is one she will cherish for a lifetime. A friend she can laugh with, or cry with, will capture her heart forever.

Alone time rejuvenates her, and gives her time to sort out life’s complications; lets her remember who she is and what she believes. Reflections on the past, ambitions for the future, being happy with the here and now; they all make up who she is when she stands in front of the mirror and looks at herself staring back at her.

She loves to photograph, but despises being photographed. She finds comfort behind the camera and apprehension in front of it. She has constant dreams of traveling the world, meeting people from all cultures, learning from them, learning about them, and calling them her friends.

Wrinkles, age spots, and an occasional gray hair, remind her that 40 came far too quickly, and she cannot run or hide from it. She still feels 20 something, no matter what her driver’s license says.

She never wants to feel old. She has seen what time can do. . .forgotten memories lost to Alzheimer’s.  The confusion and frustration in the eyes of her grandmother, as her only son became a stranger.  Time can be brutal.  She knows age can erase a lifetime of celebrations, and leave you wondering who you are.

She smiles often, sometimes even when she doesn’t want to, and sometimes to mask the pain she feels inside. Cherished moments fill her thoughts: the miracle of birth, unconditional love, and hope for the future. Seeing the glass half-full, even when it isn’t always easy.

She is a person who genuinely loves life; laughs as often as possible; tries to find the good when there only seems to be bad. She knows that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.

She is layered. Layers that are hidden.  Layers that are shared. Some simple, some serene.  Some deep, some complex.  Some that she understands, some that she wishes she could peel away.  Layers she has yet to uncover, even to herself.

This girl?  This girl is me: hoping, laughing, dreaming, living. A voyage of self-discovering; an awakening as to who I am, and who I want to be.

Coupon Mania!

Yep.  I have jumped on the coupon bandwagon.  I know. I know.  I really do know how some people feel about "couponers".  I was the same way myself.  I thought it wasn't worth the effort and I thought that only "poor" people used coupons.  Boy was I wrong on both accounts!

I have only been using coupons since the first of March.  So, it is all pretty new to me.  However, I have to say that I am AMAZED at how much money I save.  Actually,  I am pretty darn mad that I have EVER paid full price for some of the items I have paid full price for over the years!

Today was pretty fun.  I ended up scoring 8 FREE bottles of body wash and some other screaming deals!

Here is my loot from today:

There are some pretty high ticket items in there, like the body wash ($4.99 each, regular price), deodorant ($3.54 each, regular price), and the Olay  Regenerist Face Wash ($5.99 each, regular price), the Connect-4 Game ($19.95 regular price).  

The retail price of the items I purchased to day was, are you ready for it?  It was, $131.72.  Yep.  In years past, that is exactly what I would have paid for it too.

Today?  Well, today, I paid a total of $23.64.  Yes indeed!  I saved just over 83% on my purchases today.  I am pretty happy about it too :)  Especially since none of the stores in my area double coupons.  If they did, my total would have been MUCH less than that!

So, basically I got all of the items above for only $3.69 more than what I would have just paid for the Connect-4 game alone!

It is definitely the thrill of the hunt when I go shopping now.  I try and see how low I can get that total to go before I walk out the door.

The cashier was pretty impressed today.  He gave me my first total, and then when I handed him my coupons and he finished the final total he said, "Holy cow!  That's crazy!"  I just smiled and left the store thinking about how much money I saved and how my stash at home is growing by the minute at relatively little or no cost to my family.  Gotta love that!!!

Burned Out.

The end of this semester is almost here.  If I can just hang on for a few more weeks, I will have some FREEDOM (well at least from homework/school)!  I am setting my sights on the first week of May, and looking forward to it :)

Next week is going to be brutal.  A week from today will be a small celebration along the road to finals week.  I have several large assignments, two large presentations, a professor observing and evaluating me teaching in practicum, some quizzes, and a TON of reading, oh, and let's not forget internship interviews.  That list is just what I have to get done for school.

None of that includes cleaning my house, doing the laundry, fixing meals, grocery shopping, running errands, church calling/responsibilities, and being a wife and mom.

Just keeping my fingers crossed that May 5th gets here sooner rather than later!!!

Memories.

So, I have a commercial to share.  Funny story behind this one.  Every time I see it, I cry.  I think of my daughter and wonder how it is she grew up so quickly.  Now, in a sweet email from my dad, he told me that he thinks of me when he sees it.  GREAT!  Now I will cry twice as hard when I watch it! I will cry about the thoughts of my own daughter, and then at the thoughts of my own father thinking of me.  I guess I will just have to keep a box of tissues handy when I watch TV just in case this commercial comes on!  :) 

You Read My Mind!

Hey, didn't I just say something along these same lines a few blog posts ago?  I guess they read my mind!  :)

We are enjoying the glorious weather so far this week on Spring Break.  I hope the sun just keeps on shining ALL WEEK LONG!  :)

ONE Year Anniversary!

It is official!  This morning marks the one year anniversary of the first morning we woke up in our new home!  We closed on the home on March 4, 2010 and slept here that night.  Well, more like "camped" here that night! The kids all slept on the floor in sleeping bags, but they loved every second of it!

It really doesn't feel like it is possible that it has been an entire year since we moved in.  I remember the day VERY clearly.  The new house smell.  The brand new paint.  The new carpet.  No scuff marks on the walls.  Perfection!

My middle son and I did most of the moving.  It was Spring Break, and I worked his tail off helping me get stuff moved in the house.  My hubby was out of town working, and we didn't want to wait for him to get home before we started moving.  We were WAY too excited to wait!!!  My dad also was a huge help getting us moved in.  He and "Bones" moved a lot of the big items.  All that was left to move in when my hubby got home was the refrigerator, piano, a large armoire, and a few larger garage items :) 

We LOVE it here!  There is still a lot of stuff we need to do, like putting in the backyard! But, we have the rest of our lives to get the home just the way we want it!!!

Happiness.

Happiness is a funny thing.  I have been thinking about it a lot.  There have been so many times in my life when I have attached my happiness to "things".  Bigger houses, nicer furniture, newer cars, nice clothes.  The funny thing about attaching your happiness to those items is the fact that the happiness they bring is so fleeting.  It is new and exciting at first, then that feeling leaves, and it is time to move onto the next "thing" to fulfill the feeling of being happy. 

I remember when we were on the hunt for our home up north, and all I could think about was the home we currently lived in.  The home we were living in was a home that in my opinion was pretty homely.  Don't get me wrong, we had gutted the entire home and remodeled it.  The inside was nice.  It wasn't as big as I thought we needed, but I liked it.

Every time I drove up to the house, I wondered what we could do to make it look more attractive.  We covered the ugly wood with nice vinyl, we tore off the old roof and put on a new one, we gutted the entire front yard and added a circular driveway, we painted the front door, we painted the stucco, we tiled the front steps.  You name it, we did it.  I just could never feel satisfied with how the house appeared on the outside. So, when we were looking for our new house, I had determined in my mind that I would be SO much happier to have a large home with curb appeal.  That is what I thought would make us happy. 

So, that is what we found.  A 4600 square foot  7 bedroom, 4 bathroom home, with enough curb appeal to satisfy that need I felt for a pretty home.  The home had been completely remodeled and was "perfect", or so I thought.  We moved in and I loved the house.  Well, I loved it at first.  Because at first it was filling me with what I thought was the ability to make me happy.

We ended up disliking the area the home was in.  So, I thought, well, "if we could just move this house someplace else, well, then I can be happy".  After a few months of living in the home and trying to keep it clean, well, then I thought, "If only this house didn't have a basement, then it would be easier to clean, then I would be happy."  The list could go on and on and on of what I thought needed to change about the house and where we lived in order to be happy.

Things didn't go well with my husband's new job.  The entire reason we were buying the new house in the first place was because of his job transfer.  He was miserable at work.  We were miserable at home.  Nothing seemed right.  And it wasn't.  Why???  Because we were trying to make ourselves believe that our happiness was tied to our "things".    New jobs, new homes, new cars.  But, those things weren't making us happy.  If your "things" aren't bringing you happiness, how do you find a way to be happy?

I have finally come to a point where I understand that happiness is a choice.  A real, honest-to-goodness, choice.  Maybe it is getting older and more mature that brought me to this realization, or maybe it is from everything that I have been through the past 3 years that has brought me to this place.  I truly believe that I can be happy living in any house, driving any car, wearing any clothes:  IF I CHOOSE TO BE!  That is the key.  No matter what life throws my way, I can still be happy.  I don't need material possessions to fill me with happiness, because that is not what true happiness is.  I can have a crappy day, and I can still choose to be happy.  I can loose most of my material possessions, and I can still choose to be happy.  Isn't that great?  It certainly makes life so much easier when you start each and everyday  choosing how you are going to face it :)

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."   ~Margaret Young

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."  ~Abraham Lincoln


"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."  ~Frederick Keonig

Just Wondering.

Can a brain explode from thinking too long or too hard?  Because I think mine is about ready to!

Midterms are this week.  It has taken me most of the day just to finish filling out the information on all of the study guides.  This does not include the actually studying part of the study guides.  I still need to sit down and see if I can get all of the information on the study guides to actually stick inside this brain of mine.  Oh, and it also doesn't include the rest of the homework that is due this week.

On the bright side. . .midterms means the semester is HALF OVER!  Woot, woot!  Yay for that!

Ain't That The Truth?

 

When I saw this today, it struck me hard.  How true is that?  The great thing about focus is that it can be for the good or the bad.

I feel like I have been stuck in a rut, and my entire focus is on how stressed out I am with school and life.  The more I focus on it, the more stressed I seem to get.  So, I have decided that maybe I should shift my focus from how stressed I am with life, to how grateful I am that I am almost done with my degree.  

I have midterms this week, do you know what that means???  That means that I am HALFWAY through this semester!!!  That means that I only have ONE and a HALF semesters left until I graduate!!!  :)  YAY!  

What I do after that remains to be seen, but regardless of whether or not there is a job waiting out there for me, I will still have my bachelors degree.  No one can take that away from me!  :)

I think that I am going to shift my focus from my stress, and instead focus on my diploma that is waiting for me in December. 

I.N.A.V.

INAV.  I just made up my own acronym.  What does it stand for?

I NEED A VACATION! 

Week after week of the same old thing makes me feel like I am going crazy!  I feel more and more like I can relate to this:

Want to know what a day in my life is like?  Well, here is a sampling. . .

Monday- Homework day.  This day usually entails about 12 solid hours of homework.

Tuesday- 7am-2pm college classes.  2pm-4pm preparations for weekly youth activity at my church. 4pm-5pm dinner preparations.  6pm Presidency meeting.  7pm-9pm youth activity.  9pm-11pm homework.  Yes, Tuesdays are CRAZY!


Wednesday- 7am-2pm practicum.  3pm-6pm homework.  6pm-7pm dinner.  After dinner- homework (as needed) and catch up on the housework a little bit.


Thursday- 7am-2pm college classes. 2pm-bed: run the kids where they need to be, start to clean up the mess in the house from the week of craziness.  Laundry is usually pretty out of control at this point.

Friday- Clean house and do laundry all day!  It takes me ALL day to get caught back up!  Then I pretty much crash and burn after a week of insanity.


Saturday- Run errands and get ready for the new week.

Sunday- Church meetings.  Homework.  Prepare to start the week all over again.

This has pretty much been my life the past year and a half.  Last week I told someone that I feel like my life is like the movie "Groundhog Day", except instead of living the same day over and over, I am living the same week over and over and over and over. . . I am getting burned out.  I need a break.  I guess that I will have one as soon as Summer gets here.

Too bad I won't have any money to go and do something fun!  Oh well, at least having a break from the monotony of school will be nice.

Thanks for Your Emails.

My dad forwarded this email to me.  Thought I would share.  A germ-a-phobe, slighlty OCD person like myself can relate OH SO WELL to this :)

Thanks for your e-mails

As we approach the end of another year, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.


I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..hmmmm


I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose. 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.


I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. 

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. 

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer buy gas without taking somone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
  

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.


AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. disfiguring me for life.
  

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.


And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.


THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my ass.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a Quarter dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.


I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. 

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . . ..
Oh, by the way..... 

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Life.

I really should be given "The Worlds Worst Blogger" award.  I have been so bad at updating.  I think that there have been so many things going on in my life that I have just felt overwhelmed. 

In November, I went into the doctor for my annual exam.  During the exam he told me that I had, "some lumps growing in my uterus".  I was promptly sent to a lab to have an ultrasound done.  After the ultrasound, my doctor told me that I had one large growth and several small growths in my uterus.  I was then referred to another doctor.

After meeting with the other doctor, he told me that I had one growth that was the size of my uterus, and then others that quarter sized and pea sized.  Seriously not words that anyone likes to hear.  The "what if's" can drive you crazy. 

They determined that I would need to have surgery to have my uterus removed, and that they would need to biopsy the results.  Tumors, biopsies.  Again, not words that I ever wanted to have to describe anything going on in my body.

During all of these doctors appointments, blood work ups, exams, ultrasounds, etc.  I was in school.  Six classes, 18 credits, plus practicum.  We were at the end of the semester.  Case studies, observations, research papers, lesson plans, and reading assignments were filling my time, not to mention the fact that finals were just around the corner.

With the craziness of school, it gave me something other than the tumors to focus on.  However, there were time late at night, or when I would first wake up in the morning, the "what if's" would creep in.  Some days they would leave as quickly as they came in.  Other days the "what if's" would linger just a little bit longer. 

Every now and then I would wonder what I would do if I actually heard the "C" word mentioned after the biopsy.  Would I break down?  Would I be strong?  Would I be able to handle cancer like so many others who I know and love who have had to deal with it?  How would it change my life?  Would I be here to see my kids graduate from high school?  Would I get to see them get married?  Would I this?  Would I that?  Sometimes not knowing was worse than actually knowing.

My surgery was scheduled for 4 days after I finished finals week and two days before Christmas.  Not the best timing, but after 2 months of doctors and tests, I was ready for some answers. 

The day of my surgery came and I was ready to get it behind me.  I am not going to lie, I was nervous, but I wanted answers.  I needed to know what the next step was.

The surgery went well.  I lost a little bit more blood than they would have liked, which meant I couldn't get out of bed as soon as most people could after surgery.  The doctor informed me that I would be a little more tired than normal as my body worked to replenish the excess blood loss. 

I was sent home the night before Christmas Eve.  I spent the holidays recovering from surgery, yet still waiting for biopsy results.  Two weeks went by and I finally got my results.  I did not have cancer.  I was relieved.  It was really like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I could breath easily again. . .then I thought about other people who don't get the same results as I did.  Others who had to deal with hearing they do have cancer.  Others who have their entire lives changed upon hearing the "C" word.

This whole process taught me to laugh a little bit more, focus on the positive, be thankful for what you have, and just enjoy life to the fullest.  You just NEVER know what life will throw at you: good, bad, and ugly.  If you don't enjoy the process of it all, you will never have to opportunity to live life to its fullest.  Life is a special gift.  Live it well.

Life

LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

What though Death at times steps in
And calls our Best away ?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?
Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

-Charlotte Bronte

GIVEAWAY!

I don't normally promote stuff from my Paisley Passions blog here on my personal blog. . .but, I just wanted to spread the word about a giveaway I am hosting over there.

It is for a FREE 3 month subscription to E-Mealz.com  I have used E-Mealz the past month and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!  It will save you time and money!  Who doesn't like to save both of those???  You have nothing to lose, so go on over and enter!!!

E-MEALZ Giveaway @ Paisley Passions

You'll be glad you did!  :)

Not Gonna Lie.

I am not going to lie, 2010 was not the greatest.  It was a year of hospitals, surgeries, traumatic brain injury, biopsies, financial hardships, hospital bills and more hospital bills, stress, highs and lows, ups and downs. 

When we survived the trials of 2009, I thought for sure that 2010 just had to be better. . .it really wasn't.  However, that being said, it was the year that we were able to build our "forever" home, and for that I will be forever grateful.

"Forever" Home

Why do we call it our "Forever" Home?  Well, because this is it.  We are done feeling transient. We have moved more than anyone should ever have to move in a lifetime.  This home will be our home base from now until we are no longer alive.  The sacrifices we made to get this home and the humbling circumstances that occurred in order to build it, have helped us realize that no matter what life throws at us, this will always be home.

My kids will finish growing up with this as their home.  My grandkids will visit me here.  Memories will be made here, and soon the trials and tribulations of 2009-2010 will all be a distant memory.  In hindsight, perhaps we will be able to see how 2009-2010 helped us to become better, stronger, more humble people.  Maybe, just maybe, at some point we will even be grateful for the things we have endured.  Trials help to soften us, make our edges smooth, and help us realize what is truly important.

Here is looking forward to a great 2011.  Full of humility, thankfulness, love, and happiness!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!